Archive for the ‘blog’ Category

Lets Do The Time Warp AGAIN!!!!

Holy carp! We took the kids to Skate World tonight, and it never ceases to amaze me. Walking through the door is like walking back in time. The carpet, the lights, THE MUSIC…nothing has changed.

In lieu of replacing the carpet, red duct tape is holding down the seams. Firehouse was blaring overhead, and a small handful of people were showing off their mad skills. I wish I could have gotten more footage…but here is the shizznit, in all its glory.

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Scribblers

Isaac has finally decided to add in his two cents at the grocery store. Last week we came home with Popsicle brand Scribblers, upon his request. I usually buy the all fruit, natural bars…but I was attracted to the smaller size of the scribblers, so what the hay…

(only photo I could find…sorry about the small size)

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These popsicles have the darkest pigment of color I have ever seen in a popsicle. This dye is serious! As a result, we have had the some interesting blue and green diaper changes. Xander’s butt is actually stained blue!

Jason thinks we should eat one, just for the experiment. Eww, those popsicles do not look good.

More Harsh Lessons

Today was supposed to be Michael’s first visit with his mom.

Last night I packed up his diaper bag with the usual stuff, plus healthy snacks… a banana, some granola bars and an insulated sippy cup, to insure a cold drink for the two plus hours he would be gone. (He is still drinking apple juice at times, since that is what he is used to).

I also started a journal, similar to a baby book, to keep his mom updated on his activities, his appointments and to keep photos in. I imagined her reading through it, enjoying the pictures and feeling a little reassurance in that he is getting good care while she takes care of her issues.

Maybe it was a bit self serving, trying to alleviate my own guilt. If I could make her feel good about me as a foster parent, maybe I will feel less guilty about “stealing” her son; less guilty about playing “mommy?”

When I was told, this morning, that his mom called to say “no visit today,” I was crushed. And I’m not sure if it was because of my own issue I just mentioned, or because it is unbelievably hurtful to her own son (even though he has no idea, yet, what she has done).

But, mostly I feel sad for her. An addiction. So strong it is going to strip her of all her freedom and all that she could have loved. She could still turn around, though.

My Iz Man

My four and a half year old philosopher: Today he asked me why everything starts over, just like the ocean. I had talked to him about the water cycle a while back…how it starts in the ocean, evaporates, condenses, precipitates and flows back to the ocean, where it starts all over again.

He has been remembering Christmas last year, and preparing for Christmas this year, and so his little mind is realizing how much of life repeats itself. The seasons, the holidays, the traditions.

He also makes profound statements, I wonder why I hadn’t thought of myself…like, “I wish bugs would learn to smash themselves.” ha!

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Sup Wit It, Ladies?

Lately, at the dinner table, Xander is propping his foot up on the table. He cracks me up all the time, making up his own baby “jokes.” Jason and I definitely have some “white knuckle sobriety” going on, when that foot pops up. But I ruined it the first time, when I couldn’t contain the laughter.

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Tell Me Again…

…why people choose to be foster parents?

After speaking with our “certifier” today, we got a hard dose of reality. Its easy to learn about the process, take the classes and even sign up for the job. Its an entirely different experience to actually do the job.

Our little 18 month old could possibly be with us for over a year, or more. After two weeks, I can really see us all falling in love with him, and he is already incredibly attached to us. The reality of it is sinking in. At three years old, he will still be a great candidate for a quick adoption, if things don’t work out with his family…

But, what will that be like for him, and for us? It will be like losing one of my own children.

I knew this was part of it. I know foster parents can still have a wonderful impact. The love he gets from us will stay with him forever, in his confidence, self esteem, and ability to have meaningful relationships. That’s why I signed up.

But, I am still having a hard time imagining a year from now, especially when we are just now starting to get to know this little guy. Its hard to let my heart know its okay to love him, even though I know I will have to say goodbye.

Still Here

Hubby and I wanted to give up, but the toddler fights have lessened slightly. My little sweet pea offspring is retracting his claws a bit, and actually spending some independent play time. Whew!

I was playing around with the camera and flash tonight, since I never seem to feel free to play until late, when Jason is home. They’re all a bit fuzzy.

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The stress level has also been aggravated by our tiresome job of getting our rental house ready. Jason does all the work, but that means extra long hours parenting alone.

But, tonight, my Queso Grande is making pancakes for dinner and we are all sitting around the table for a relaxing conversation.

One Week Into Parenting Three

Things are a lot tougher than we imagined. Xander is really not liking the situation, and the love-hate relationship has turned into a simple hate relationship.

His actions toward Michael are downright abusive. We have to keep them separated. Plus, Xander is getting sick, and waking up every hour at night, ALL WEEK LONG. I keep thinking this can’t go on another night. I am losing my mind with exhaustion. How can I take a nap with two toddlers? I can’t.

Today, they both refused a nap and sweet Michael has had some interesting tantrums, with a deep, growling cry. During this tantrum, he won’t let me rock him or console him. Then a few minutes later, he is suddenly cheerful and playing again.

Jason and I both keep asking ourselves, how much longer can we do this?? Its only been a week. Will it get better, or is Xander going to be angry toward Michael the entire time? Will we ever get a full night’s sleep…ever?

Meet Michael

Last Friday, the 18th, was not only our fifth wedding anniversary, but the day we went and picked up Michael. He’s a 17 month old dream child. He smiles a lot, has a quiet little voice and sleeps like a log at night.

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Isaac is loving the guy and helped him feel welcome. Xander, on the other hand, is having a rough time adjusting to him…definitely a love-hate thing going on.

I call this one “The Face Off.” I’ve never seen Xander take the aggressive role like he has these past few days. But, a toddler friendship is slowly developing, even after a few days.

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It must be the new environment, but poor Michael was getting hurt about every hour the first couple days. Tripping over stuff, falling on his face. Yesterday, he actually slammed his eye/temple area into the corner of the coffee table. I thought it was going to be a black eye, on his third day here. Its not as bad as I thought it was, but still kinda ugly.

My 30th surprise!

Jason, gave me a surprise party for my birthday! It was so sweet. My friends Barbra and Jennifer were there, with their beau’s, Chris and Tom (very nice guys!) and my whole family.

Jason did a nice job of keeping it a secret, even though I was trying to play mind games all week to get him to cave, LOL.

He put together a very sweet slideshow, that shows the life of Zoe (and all her ugly haircuts) the weight ups and downs, marriage and the new babies. He also includes a section in the end that shows my little baby girl I lost at five months pregnancy. I had to hold back the tears with that one. Eric Clapton?! How could you? I love it.

If anyone is interested in watching it, it is a rather large file (112mb):