RoyalMom

...why people choose to be foster parents?

After speaking with our "certifier" today, we got a hard dose of reality. Its easy to learn about the process, take the classes and even sign up for the job. Its an entirely different experience to actually do the job.

Our little 18 month old could possibly be with us for over a year, or more. After two weeks, I can really see us all falling in love with him, and he is already incredibly attached to us. The reality of it is sinking in. At three years old, he will still be a great candidate for a quick adoption, if things don't work out with his family...

But, what will that be like for him, and for us? It will be like losing one of my own children.

I knew this was part of it. I know foster parents can still have a wonderful impact. The love he gets from us will stay with him forever, in his confidence, self esteem, and ability to have meaningful relationships. That's why I signed up.

But, I am still having a hard time imagining a year from now, especially when we are just now starting to get to know this little guy. Its hard to let my heart know its okay to love him, even though I know I will have to say goodbye.

Lately, at the dinner table, Xander is propping his foot up on the table. He cracks me up all the time, making up his own baby "jokes." Jason and I definitely have some "white knuckle sobriety" going on, when that foot pops up. But I ruined it the first time, when I couldn't contain the laughter.

My four and a half year old philosopher: Today he asked me why everything starts over, just like the ocean. I had talked to him about the water cycle a while back...how it starts in the ocean, evaporates, condenses, precipitates and flows back to the ocean, where it starts all over again.

He has been remembering Christmas last year, and preparing for Christmas this year, and so his little mind is realizing how much of life repeats itself. The seasons, the holidays, the traditions.

He also makes profound statements, I wonder why I hadn't thought of myself...like, "I wish bugs would learn to smash themselves." ha!

Today was supposed to be Michael's first visit with his mom.

Last night I packed up his diaper bag with the usual stuff, plus healthy snacks... a banana, some granola bars and an insulated sippy cup, to insure a cold drink for the two plus hours he would be gone. (He is still drinking apple juice at times, since that is what he is used to).

I also started a journal, similar to a baby book, to keep his mom updated on his activities, his appointments and to keep photos in. I imagined her reading through it, enjoying the pictures and feeling a little reassurance in that he is getting good care while she takes care of her issues.

Maybe it was a bit self serving, trying to alleviate my own guilt. If I could make her feel good about me as a foster parent, maybe I will feel less guilty about "stealing" her son; less guilty about playing "mommy?"

When I was told, this morning, that his mom called to say "no visit today," I was crushed. And I'm not sure if it was because of my own issue I just mentioned, or because it is unbelievably hurtful to her own son (even though he has no idea, yet, what she has done).

But, mostly I feel sad for her. An addiction. So strong it is going to strip her of all her freedom and all that she could have loved. She could still turn around, though.

Isaac has finally decided to add in his two cents at the grocery store. Last week we came home with Popsicle brand Scribblers, upon his request. I usually buy the all fruit, natural bars...but I was attracted to the smaller size of the scribblers, so what the hay...

(only photo I could find...sorry about the small size)

These popsicles have the darkest pigment of color I have ever seen in a popsicle. This dye is serious! As a result, we have had the some interesting blue and green diaper changes. Xander's butt is actually stained blue!

Jason thinks we should eat one, just for the experiment. Eww, those popsicles do not look good.

--------

Holy carp! We took the kids to Skate World tonight, and it never ceases to amaze me. Walking through the door is like walking back in time. The carpet, the lights, THE MUSIC...nothing has changed.

In lieu of replacing the carpet, red duct tape is holding down the seams. Firehouse was blaring overhead, and a small handful of people were showing off their mad skills. I wish I could have gotten more footage...but here is the shizznit, in all its glory.

--------

We dragged out the old Canon A70, currently known as "Isaac's camera," and found it full of his talent.

I don't know if you've seen Owen's Pixels, a collection of photographs taken by an amazing five year old, but here we have Isaac's portfolio shots. Talent baby!

His attention to composition, light and emotion is impeccable! And only four years old...oh well, maybe not quite like Owen's collection, LOL.

Is it possible for an 18 month old to be emotionally eating? This guy eats an incredible amount of food, and asks for more all day long.

Here he is tonight, after eating 14 cheese-stuffed tortellonis with tomato sauce, and a side of pineapple chunks. After cleaning him up and letting him down from the highchair, he'll run off to play for about five minutes before coming back to cruise the table for scraps.

I gave him a graham cracker in the car one day, and now, as soon as the car dar is opened to get in, he starts saying "cookie? cookie?? Hungy!"

--------

--------

Driving...

me...

CRAZY!!!!

--------

...is the chance of "company" stopping by any day. The typical pattern has been for a social worker, certifier, or legal assistant to make an appointment for next week. On the day of the appointment, I get a call asking if we can change the appointment time from 1:30 to 5:00pm. This has happened three times now.

This last time was no different, except at 5:00 NO ONE SHOWED UP!!! Or even called.

Of course, the next day, just as I lay down for a nap, the phone rings and the appointment must be squeezed in today. Just to make sure I'm not wasting my time, waiting all day, I asked her to come over as soon as possible and get it over with.

Now the good part...She wanted to see the rest of my bedrooms, not just the living room. Yeah, that's right, clothes all over the place, bed unmade, drawers hanging out. The real, I'm-barely-having-time-to-get-myself-dressed look.

And while I'm quickly trying to re-close the bedroom door, I smash two small fingers of my two year old. While I'm attending to the two small fingers, Michael pulls down one of the oak dining room chairs, practically on top of himself. Now imagine all of this with very loud crying.

House messy Kids being harmed Unsafe environment, with dangerous chairs.

I begged her to please make a note of all this! I am probably totally unfit as a parent.

Unfortunately she tried to reassure me that she's seen a lot of homes and we "are doing really good here." So, I guess it wasn't the guilt-free out I was hoping for.

DEEP...

BREATH.

--------

And I mean all of them!

--------

Except, hottie #2 really has no neck.

Jason is working on a new design for Royalmom, instead of reloading the old one, (this current look, is just the temporary stock job since we moved), and he was having some fun with the South Park character builder...I can't wait to see what he does with it.

--------

Its been about seven months since we bought the Nikon D70. Its been a very slow learn, teaching myself how to use it in manual mode. As a result, my iPhoto is bogged down with over 2000 crappy photos.

I am cracking myself up, looking back at my photos. I bought some blue paper...set up some lights from Home Depot and got some "beauties" such as these:

This one just freaks me out. Xander's eyes look so crazy. It must have been the weird Starbucks lighting.

--------

Browsing up on some fellow Portland bloggers, I realize how much we've been under a rock. People out and about, hitting the city shops and coffee shops; we're out here in suburbia land, surviving each day with three kids.

I loved loved loved it when I lived in the city, cruising around in my old VW Bug. I lived in the top corner apartment on the corner of NW Davis and 22nd, looking over the entire down town and industrial sides. At night, we'd sit at the window, overlooking the city lights, and drink cocktails. Then dress up and roll down the hill a few blocks to a club, Embers...or, what was that great place under the Burnside bridge? They had Dahlia playing every Tuesday night. I really think she is the absolute greatest singer out of Portland.

And what ever happened to Tony Starlight?? That show was hilarious! He must be in Vegas now.

I just miss the business outside. Cruising over to Cinema 21 to see what odd film is playing, maybe catching a foreign film or a ballet. It seems like such a chore now to drive the distance to Portland for an outing.

I would totally move to the city if: 1. We could find affordable housing (to buy), that is big enough 2. Nope, I guess #1 was the only thing holding us back. 3. Damn. 4. Why are we so set on home ownership? 5. But if we rent, we won't have any place to park. 6. Maybe we could ditch the car. 7. What would Jason do with all of his man gadgets he keeps in the garage? 8. And this is where I abandon the fantasy.

And we are wrapping presents. I totally forgot about stockings. We haven't hung them up, nor did I buy anything for them. ooops!

My parents used to have us hang tube socks, and they'd be loaded up with an apple and an orange...woooohoo:) We, at least have some nice Christmasy stockings. Maybe they'll come out just for Christmas morning.

--------

It was a fun morning for us. The kids are still young enough to take the time to play with toys, between opening gifts. We still have to coax them along, to pick out another present.

This years hit, with both Xander and Michael, is the Play Gumball Machine. The balls transfer to the Pound A Ball we've been enjoying for a long time now. So we've had both toys out together, and they've been playing with it off and on all day.

Isaac has been loving his new Transformers, and watched an episode of his new Beast Wars, second season DVD set.

I should also mention how impressed I have been with the wooden toys Target has, under the brand Little Tree. They don't show up on their website, but the same toys show up under another brand "Imaginarium" that is owned by Toys R Us now.

We have bought several things. The prices are unbelievably low, and the quality is high. Not a combination I expect, usually. For example, the 70 piece train set, pictured below (we glued to our coffee table ), was $12.00, purchased two years ago.

This Christmas, I bought a set of 100 assorted wooden blocks for $10.00, and a set 50 jumbo, wooden alphabet blocks for $10.00. A ton of great quality blocks! I stacked them up and knocked them down myself. Two thumbs up!

Merry Christmas everyone!