More Harsh Lessons

Today was supposed to be Michael’s first visit with his mom.

Last night I packed up his diaper bag with the usual stuff, plus healthy snacks… a banana, some granola bars and an insulated sippy cup, to insure a cold drink for the two plus hours he would be gone. (He is still drinking apple juice at times, since that is what he is used to).

I also started a journal, similar to a baby book, to keep his mom updated on his activities, his appointments and to keep photos in. I imagined her reading through it, enjoying the pictures and feeling a little reassurance in that he is getting good care while she takes care of her issues.

Maybe it was a bit self serving, trying to alleviate my own guilt. If I could make her feel good about me as a foster parent, maybe I will feel less guilty about “stealing” her son; less guilty about playing “mommy?”

When I was told, this morning, that his mom called to say “no visit today,” I was crushed. And I’m not sure if it was because of my own issue I just mentioned, or because it is unbelievably hurtful to her own son (even though he has no idea, yet, what she has done).

But, mostly I feel sad for her. An addiction. So strong it is going to strip her of all her freedom and all that she could have loved. She could still turn around, though.

One Response to “More Harsh Lessons”

  1. Barbra Says:

    Every couple weeks I just browse through the blog. Sometimes I need to know that I am not the only one putting forth a lot of effort with little thanks.
    Zoe, you are doing such a great thing by putting together this journal. Even if his mother never wants to see it, Michael will one day appreciate it and everything that you and Jason have done for him. Sometimes I feel that I am at a thankless job, but when kids come back to see me and tell me how much they are using everything that I taught them in middle school, it really puts everything into perspective. I just wish that I got paid more. Then I could give out more candy.
    Keep doing what you are doing.

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