Archive for April, 2004

Royal Dad, My Super Hero

Royal Dad has left to work in the “real” office today, two hours away. Normally he is in his home office available for me to annoy him on occasion. When he takes his lunch hour, I plop fussy baby into his arms and race around doing the things I couldn’t do otherwise. No such convenience today.
Honestly, the “Royal” part of Royal Mom is a joke, but Royal Dad is genuine. He is truly amazing, both as a dad and a husband. Just dealing with two children all day overwhelms me, but RD works all day and then does more…a lot more. He races around cleaning up the clutter, cleans the kitchen, does a load of laundry and makes dinner.
During the day, he takes a break from work and runs out for a soda and always asks if I’d like anything. Even though I’d rather have the nonfat iced mocha from the coffee shop, instead of the 7-11 brew, he is happy to make the extra stop for me.
If the baby is fussing, as he often does, RD is the master baby calmer. During the middle of the night, if baby is still fussing a lot for me, Royal Dad comes to my rescue and magically calms him to sleep on the couch.
I tell him “I love you,” a million times a day, and a million times a day I hear those three precious words echo back to me. I love you babe. You are my rock.

CAUTION: Hungry And Dangerous

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Third day back on the post-baby diet. I’m hungry, but it does feel good to get back on track. I decided to forget about exercise (as in Curves) and just focus on the diet for now. Once the over-stretched, hungry beast that is my stomach shrinks a bit, maybe I can integrate some cardio.
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A friend gave us a bunch of children’s books. I was so excited to find an I Spy in the stack, giddy over the prospect of my son and I hunkering over it, finding hidden objects together. What was supposed to be a cuddly, learning moment, turned into a psycho mom moment. I became so obsessed with my inability to find an object, a pencil to be exact, that I started pulling the book closer to my own face and moving my son out of the way.
As my frustration grew, I was no longer reading with my son, but cursing over my inability to conquer this children’s book. My son’s little voice was saying, “I think its time to turn the page, Mommy,” but I barely noticed. I found that damn pencil, finally, but realized Mommy better do a little I Spy studying before sharing it with her son.
By the way, if you’re interested, the pencil is standing on its end next to the tower of blocks to the back right of the page. I think you can see the pink eraser fairly well…ha ha “fairly well” ha ha ha $#%$%…

Time For A Girly I’m-So-Fat Rant

My baby is three months old now, and I am the same weight I was when he was one month old. Leave it to the full length mirror in the hall, a warm day, and some shorts to shatter that cloud of denial I had going. The denial that supports my hunger for good food. The denial that likes to taunt my husband with comments like, “Don’t ya just LOVE my Barbie gams?!!” or “The way my knees are hiding behind one huge fat pad is as cute as a cupie doll!”
Ai-yi-yi, WHY LORD, do I have to gain a whopping 80 freakin’ pounds to have a baby?? And to all the women who told me it will burn right off after the baby, take a gander at my wide ass now! Now you can tell me it’s all belly, and I’ll appreciate your honesty. While I was pregnant it was a little hard to swallow, since I knew it was bullshit.
Royal Mom is getting serious now. No more denial, I’m putting it all out there. I’m even posting some before and after photos of my yo-yo diet called two pregnancies.
Before Baby #1 (barely, I was 6 weeks pregnant)
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Six Weeks After Baby #1
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One Year Later
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Baby #2 “Barbie Gams”
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So, goodbye my old friend Thai Orchid and your delicious Pad Thai noodles with the heavenly peanut sauce. Hello garden burger, sandwiched between two pieces of dry, low-calorie wheat bread, and all your un-delicious fiber.

What Is This Hand Basket I’m In, And Where Am I Going?

Thanks to Defective Yeti, I am laughing my ass off and watching for lightning.
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